Chocolate Cake

I've always thought that at some point in my life I would have figured things out and perfected my personality and character to be the type of man I have always strove to be.  That it wouldn't be a lifelong journey of  corrective measures to stay on a path to a destination that always proves to be over the next hill.  When seasons of great personal growth aren't followed by a digression back into old habits, old failures, and old ways of thinking.

For months now, I've been spinning out of control back into my self-centered arrogant ways.  It's been a slow digression, but an obvious one.  For me, it's akin to a fat kid knowing he shouldn't eat all of the chocolate cake but he does anyway because he lacks the self discipline to not eat it.  It would be one thing to not be aware of his behavior and its repercussions on his waistline and another to be fully aware of the consequences of his decisions and to continue the behavior will hating the resultant.  That's me, I'm the fat kid, both literally and figuratively.  I know when I'm being arrogant or acting in a manner that is egocentric, but like the fat kid, I can't stop shoveling in the chocolate cake.

It's unattractive and it undermines my influence, which effects my ability to be an effective leader at work, at home, and in the community.  It affects my relationships in a negative manner, makes work harder at times, and makes people who don't know me not want to invest in getting to know me.  The people who love you will continue to love you, but I'm probably not getting everything I could out of those relationships.  It is the rock that has caused all the ripples in my pond and yet I keep throwing it in.

The good news is I have a great emotional awareness of it and wonderful role models and men whom I respect and strive to emulate who surround me almost daily.  Men both younger and older that have figured this out already.  Men who may have other shortcomings other than an insatiable fondness for chocolate cake, but whose hearts are rooted in humility, Godliness, and righteousness.  Men whose view of money, success, and the trappings of the world are from a perspective of something other than their own self gratification.

It's a not a self deprecating ideal either.  There are many great things about me, but the first part of pushing away from the chocolate cake has to be the realization that there is chocolate all over my face and it needs to be wiped clean.  So, if you want to help and you see or hear me being arrogant or egocentric, just say, "Hey, you got a little something right there on your face, it looks like chocolate cake."